Tuesday, October 31, 2006
my soul's guiding star
i've been missing Darryl (not his real name) these days... i miss our long spiritual talks. i miss how he asks how i am and always expects the long version. i miss how i tell him my fears and confusions and personal views. he always seems to listen, i mean listen to what you have to say. you can never expect him to just say "ok..i see...". he says things just as he sees it. we talk about God, souls and personal growth like normal people talk about the weather. we rant and rave to each other. he told me about his love and i told him about my hopes. he guided me through a very difficult stage in my life, he patiently held my hand.
i've never seen him in person neither have i ever heard his voice. i only met him through the world wide web but still i've shared with him things that i haven't told anyone. we've never met in person but i felt his hug when i needed it, we've never talked but my heart heard his words, we're miles apart but forever connected...
it's been months since we last had any communication. i do miss him but can't talk to him. i know he's disappointed in me because i became one of those "busy" people he hated so much. i wished i could just say hey to him and it'll be ok but i know it won't. i refuse to talk to him now because i know that he would only want to say good-bye and i don't. i don't want to make it official, for it to be final. maybe i'm being selfish but i still like to think that he's there, just there. i am holding on when in fact i know that maybe there's nothing to hold on to anymore. he came into my life at the very exact time that i had prayed, wished and hoped for him. he answered the questions no one could answer for me. he opened my 20 years of blinded eyes. he showed me the endless possibilities. i love him for that. i thank him for that. and i don't want to give him up for that.
8:14 AM
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Sunday, October 29, 2006
first entry
my first entry in my brand new blog. haha..what to write? what to write? i can write about my annoyance with the nursing exam results but i need to get my facts straight first... how about my on going debate and confusion with my spirituality? nah...too serious for a first entry, might scare off potential readers. haha.. or maybe i should just write what comes to mind within ten seconds. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9..10.. damn, i forgot to stop and think. one sec.....
argh. nothing came to mind. all my thousand thoughts just vanished. so lemme just welcome you on my blog. i can get melo dramatic at times but trust me i write with my first insticts so you could pretty much expect very raw emotions coming out of this blog. ta-tah for now. hope someone out there enjoys reading all the B.S. i tend to write.
5:49 AM
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